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 Why I love what I do

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I once was a boy. A boy who wanted nothing and who craved nothing. A zombie to the abyss known as the world. Before I found filmmaking, I was unmotivated and cynical. Nothing mattered to me, not even my family. The only things that made me feel at all were the horror movies I incessantly watched. The reason for my fixation was that I always sympathized with the villain, for they were alone like I was. Many years passed with me feeling more and more ungratified. 


Then I discovered something that would completely change that: I watched “The Terminator.” Unlike other horror movies, this one was special to me. Not because of the antagonist nor the protagonist, but because of the director: James Cameron. I had heard that James got the idea of The Terminator from a dream he had and that information would create a seed of fascination. How could someone fabricate a fantasy world and bring it to life? This question became my first ever obsession.


After this discovery, I started having dreams of my own characters. I wanted them to come to life, but I wasn't able to replicate James. Like the domino effect, my obsession started to expand and evolve. I picked up anything that was able to record video, making short films in my room and cosplaying as my favorite characters.  I was having the time of my life for a short while. However, due to personal issues, my passion plateaued: by the time I started high school, I was composed of fat; 312 pounds to be exact.


Life was awful and I hated every second of it again. Two years of high school passed and I was on the brink. With no friends and no confidence, I had nothing to lose. I still had my passion for film, but it seemed like a fleeting memory in my despair. Finally, I decided something during the summer of 2018 - I was going to kill myself. No one would know, no one would care - those were my honest thoughts. I still remember the night. It was windy and raining, the kitchen was dimly lit by 2250 kelvin light bulbs, I was ready to die. All my hopes and dreams crashing down as if a hammer smashed a pane; it was time for me to fall and shatter. 


However, I had one final thought: James Cameron. I said to myself, "would he give up like this? Would he give up in the face of despair or would he climb his way back to the top and reignite his passion"? All I could think about was James that night and four hours later, I finally talked myself out of committing suicide. About a week later, I told my mom I couldn’t go on with the way that I was - I needed to get rid of my fat. She agreed to help me and that same day, my mom booked a sleeve gastrectomy. One month later, I broke free from my 312 pound shackles and from there on, it was all about climbing up the mountain to where I am today.


Film isn’t just a potential profession for me, it's my life. It's the coal that burns in my engine. My motivations, my desires, and my self-appointed purpose is to become one of the greatest directors in history. I want to save someone with my films and show them life is worth living for, just like how I was saved by James Cameron’s films. That is my ultimate desire and I'll contribute everything I have to my passion. 


Ever since I started my junior year of high school, I've been studying all that I can about film. I was the only one in my film class that took anything seriously and I ultimately graduated with honors in film. I've done filming and editing work for various companies, CEO’s, and start-ups because I want to sharpen my skills and prove to myself that my craft can earn me a healthy living. I even went to Hollywood for half a year to get tutelage from an authentic actor and director. I have the skills and I now believe it's time for me to go beyond. I also want to learn even more about different film techniques, build connections with others in the industry, and learn how to become a genuine film artist. I crave every single bit of information that's available to me because I truly want to achieve my ultimate dream.


Thank you for reading my story.

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